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: May 19, 2013 1:32 am

The Most Ridiculous Excuses For Missing Work

It might not be uncommon for workers to fake a sick day just to skip work, but some apparently feel the need to get a little more creative, according to a recent study.

In fact, the excuses employees give their bosses for missing work can be so outlandish that 60 percent of managers say they often don’t believe the reasons workers give for being absent, according to a survey done in the United Kingdom by British health care provider Benenden Health. Bosses even go so far as to examine workers’ social media accounts to see if they’re telling the truth.

That may seem a little extreme but so are some of the things workers have said just to play hooky, according to the survey. Sex injuries, pet illnesses and boozy late-night high jinks all count as some of the most bizarre excuses bosses in the survey heard from employees.

The last one, however, may be more fact than fiction. A separate economic study in the U.K. found worker-absenteeism rose after bars began staying open later, allowing people to drink more and as one worker in Benenden’s survey put it, fall “asleep on someone’s floor.”

Here are 13 of the most bizarre excuses for missing work:

Loading Slideshow...
  • I Drank Too Much And Fell Asleep On Someone’s Floor – I Don’t Know Where I Am”

  • “My Dog Has Had A Big Fright And I Don’t Want To Leave Him”

  • “My New Girlfriend Bit Me In A Delicate Place”

  • “The Dog Ate My Shoes”

  • “I’ve Had A Hair Dye Disaster”

  • “A Can Of Baked Beans Landed On My Big Toe”

  • “My Fish Is Sick”

  • “I Am Hallucinating”

  • “I’ve Injured Myself During Sex”

  • “My Trousers Split On The Way To Work”

  • “My Car Hand Brake Broke And It Rolled Down The Hill Into A Lamppost”

  • “My Toe Is Trapped In The Bath Tap”

  • “I’ve Been Bitten By An Insect”

(Hat tip: Daily Mail)

: May 19, 2013 1:24 am

HarvardBiz: Talent Strategies for the Post-Loyalty World http://t.co/fObGGwTTuW

: May 19, 2013 12:48 am

HarvardBiz: The Mongrel Discipline of Management http://t.co/OZbLt6XwLz

: May 19, 2013 12:40 am

ElliottForecast: Learn to trade on right side of the market 25 instruments). Join us for the weekend webinar @ 9:30 AM EDT. http://t.co/i7ZRER3o9N

Learn to trade on right side of the market 25 instruments). Join us for the weekend webinar @ 9:30 AM EDT.

: May 19, 2013 12:40 am

ElliottForecast: Guest Commentary: The S&P 500 Uptrend is Not Over Yet http://t.co/JGYIqSoek6 via @DailyFX #Elliottwave #SPX $SPY

: May 19, 2013 12:40 am

ElliottForecast: Is $INDU (Dow Jones) close to a temporary peak? http://t.co/LQgxBmQV8P #Elliottwave #Indices #Dow

: May 19, 2013 12:40 am

ElliottForecast: Why $SPY #SPX500 ended a cycle @ 1635? http://t.co/qgcpQnJoUU #Elliottwave

: May 19, 2013 12:40 am

ElliottForecast: Members: Sunday Webinar will start @ 9:30 AM EDT / 1:30 PM GMT / 2:30 PM UK Time. #Elliottwave #Analysis

Members: Sunday Webinar will start @ 9:30 AM EDT / 1:30 PM GMT / 2:30 PM UK Time.

: May 19, 2013 12:32 am

ElliottForecast: Memebers: All charts have been updated at the website for Monday (5.20.2013)

Memebers: All charts have been updated at the website for Monday (5.20.2013)

: May 19, 2013 12:32 am

ElliottForecast: Good Morning Traders. We hope every one is having a nice weekend

Good Morning Traders. We hope every one is having a nice weekend

: May 19, 2013 12:32 am

mattyglesias: Telecommunications http://t.co/By53mldj7h

: May 19, 2013 12:24 am

HarvardBiz: Management Tip: Stop Going to So Many Meetings http://t.co/1i7zeZL9F4 #HBRMgmntTip

: May 19, 2013 12:16 am

U.S. Census Bureau Daily Feature for May 19













WASHINGTON, May 19, 2013 /PRNewswire-USNewswire/ — Following is the daily “Profile America” feature from the U.S. Census Bureau:

(Logo: http://photos.prnewswire.com/prnh/20110428/DC91889LOGO)

SUNDAY, MAY 19: PRINTS AMONG MEN

Profile AmericaSunday, May 19th.  The first criminal case in the U.S. in which fingerprint evidence was admitted into court occurred on this date in New York City in 1911.  Burglary suspect Caesar Cella was convicted by prints identified by detective Sergeant Joseph Faurot .  The first known crime case solved by fingerprint matching occurred in 1880 in Tokyo, but the unique pattern of each person’s fingerprints had been known since ancient Rome. Today, the use of DNA samples from crime scenes is the fastest-growing area of forensic evidence. Advanced crime solving methods have contributed to a drop in total reported crimes — from 14.5 million in 1990 to 10.6 million as of four years ago.  You can find more facts about America from the U.S. Census Bureau, online at www.census.gov.

Sources:  www.on-this-day.com 
Statistical Abstract of the United States 2012, t. 306

Profile America is produced by the Center for New Media and Promotions of the U.S. Census Bureau. These daily features are available as produced segments, ready to air, on a monthly CD or on the Internet at http://www.census.gov (look for “Multimedia Gallery” by the “Newsroom” button). 

SOURCE U.S. Census Bureau

RELATED LINKS
http://www.census.gov

: May 19, 2013 12:16 am

Clients Review Blue Loan Services’ Online Application And Documentation System
















SAN DIEGO, May 19, 2013 /PRNewswire-iReach/ — Blue Loan Services, a full service mortgage company that serves homeowners within California, was recently awarded a place as one of the Top 50 California Lenders according to mortgage rate and lender review website, Lender 411. This honor comes as no surprise to the company’s clients, most of which have many good things to say about Brandon Blue, the Senior Loan Officer, and the rest of the team of mortgage professionals at Blue Loan Services in their reviews.

(Photo: http://photos.prnewswire.com/prnh/20130519/CG15396)

One review from a homeowner living in Redwood, CA, says, “Everyone I dealt with at Brandon Blue was extremely professional, responsive and courteous. I was refinancing my primary loan, but had a 2nd, so a subordination was needed from that 2nd mortgage company. There was some doubt early on whether that subordination would happen in time, but Shari at Brandon Blue was calling my 2nd mortgage company on a nearly daily basis to push them to get it done! She was key to my refinance completing on time. The process Brandon Blue has in place for communicating with their customers is very robust. I’ve probably refinanced 10 times in my life, and I’ve never had anywhere near this level of communication and willingness to help from any other company. I would highly recommend Brandon Blue for anyone with mortgage needs!”

Another Blue Loan Services review from Montclair, Oakland, CA, states: “I have financed and refinanced about four times thus far on this home. My last re-fi experience with Brandon Blue was the most positive so far. I had very recently tried two times unsuccessfully to refinance only to have the underwriters kill the deal. As such, I was reticent to start the process again for fear that it would not go through. Brandon convinced me that the lender he was working with would likely approve my refinance loan. So I bit the bullet and went for it. The process went about as smoothly as usual, until the underwriters asked for a document/piece of information which was nearly impossible to obtain. It appeared as though the deal was dead. Brandon went to bat for me and requested that senior underwriters re-examine their request and allow the deal to continue. He was able to convince them. My sense is that not many other brokers would have been able to pull this off. As such, I am quite grateful for his skills at negotiating through the loan process. I would definitely do business with him again.”

A further review from a Carmel Valley client says, “From the very start of my loan process Brandon Blue was very professional and personable. He answered my phone calls and e-mails either immediately or as soon as my information was available. The entire process was seamless and efficient including the appraisal and all other individuals involved. I was able to re-fi my home mortgage and reduce my rate from 5.375% to 3.75% – A $703 a month interest savings and $200K savings over 10 years! The entire process from date of “lock” to loan funding took less than 30 days. If you want your loan to be completed professionally, and in a timely manner, I highly recommend Brandon Blue of Blue Home Loans and his Team!”

These are just a few of the reviews that clearly show why the company has earned its place as one of the top California lenders. Those who would like to learn more about Blue Loan Services and get a Free Fast Rate Quote can click here or call 1-888-929-BLUE (2583) to speak to one of Blue Loan Services’ experienced mortgage professionals.

CA Dept of Real Estate — Licensed Broker #01094374 NMLS #938365

Media Contact:

Brandon Blue Blue Loan Services, 1-888-929-BLUE (2583), blueloaninfo@gmail.com

News distributed by PR Newswire iReach: https://ireach.prnewswire.com

SOURCE Blue Loan Services

RELATED LINKS
http://bluehomeloans.com/

: May 19, 2013 12:08 am

HarvardBiz: Your Team Needs an Intervention http://t.co/BEvjlhVS60

: May 18, 2013 11:56 pm

delong: Noted for May 19, 2013 http://t.co/qaFSjLS9zJ

: May 18, 2013 11:56 pm

delong: .@zunguzungu What you need to do is mail order the 4 lb bags from http://t.co/7XeH8iNSUa #mangobloat

I just ate the entire package of Trader Joes mango slices. Pepita watched me eat it, longingly. When I was done, she departed.

: May 18, 2013 11:56 pm

howardlindzon: Turns out I have two powerballs.

: May 18, 2013 11:48 pm

Upside breakouts everywhere

Welcome to my blog Humble Student of the Markets. These are my observations and musings about the markets (mostly equities), hedge funds and investments in general.My experience has been a quantitative equity manager in US, Canada, EAFE and Emerging Markets and commentator on hedge funds and their returns patterns.


DISCLAIMER

This blog is produced by Cam Hui. Although I am a portfolio manager at Qwest Investment Fund Management Ltd. (“Qwest”), this blog is prepared by me as an outside business activity. As such, Qwest does not review or approve materials presented herein. The opinions and any recommendations expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not reflect the opinions or recommendations of Qwest.

None of the information or opinions expressed in this blog constitutes a solicitation for the purchase or sale of any security or other instrument. Nothing in this blog constitutes investment advice and any recommendations that may be contained herein have not been based upon a consideration of the investment objectives, financial situation or particular needs of any specific recipient. Any purchase or sale activity in any securities or other instrument should be based upon your own analysis and conclusions. Past performance is not indicative of future results. Either Qwest or I may hold or control long or short positions in the securities or instruments mentioned.

: May 18, 2013 11:48 pm

The golden canary in the coalmine

Shortly after the market closed, the WSJ published Jon Hilsenrath’s article Fed Maps Exit From Stimulus in which the Fed discusses a gradual withdrawal of QE:
Federal Reserve officials have mapped out a strategy for winding down an unprecedented $85 billion-a-month bond-buying program meant to spur the economy—an effort to preserve flexibility and manage highly unpredictable market expectations.

No doubt the markets will get spooked by this “leak” and as I write these words, ES futures are moderately in the red. The question is, “How much and how far?”


Watch gold for clues to market direction
For me, the canary in the coalmine is the gold price, which is highly sensitive to expectations of monetary stimulus. Gold has staged a tactical V-shaped bottom and the silver/gold ratio has stabilized, which is constructive (see Watching silver for the bottom in gold). Gold rallied to fill in the gap left by its free fall in April – so now what?

With the news that the Fed is starting to think about an exit from QE, the near term downside risk is evident. There are many opinions about the fallout of this “leak”. Josh Brown has two sides of the story. On one hand, he believes that with sentiment excessively bullish, we are tactically headed for a hard correction. On the other hand, he seems more relaxed longer term.

As for myself, I am watching for a re-test of the April lows in gold to see if that low can hold as a sign for the risk-on trade. Longer term, the April decline caused considerable short-term technical damage, but the long-term uptrend remains intact. The other key issue is whether the uptrend can hold here.

A Lost Decade or a “beautiful deleveraging”?
Will this Fed action be a repeat of the Japanese experience where the authorities go through ease-tighten cycles that caused ups and downs in stock prices? This will be a test of Ray Dalio’s beautiful deleveraging thesis where the United States has undertaken just the right mix of austerity, money printing and debt restructuring.

David Merkel wrote a timely post recently entitled Easy In, Hard Out (updated):

My view is that there is no such thing as a free lunch, not even for governments or central banks.  Any action taken may have benefits, but also imposes costs, even if those costs are imposed upon others.  So it is for the Fed.  At the beginning of 2008, they had a small, clean, low duration (less than three years) balance sheet on assets.  Today the asset side of their balance sheet is much larger, long duration (over 6 years), negatively convex, and modestly dirty as a result. 

 He went on to outline the risks [emphasis added]:

Fed tightening cycles often start with a small explosion where short-dated financing for thinly capitalized speculators evaporates, because of the anticipation of higher financing rates. Fed tightening cycles often end with a large explosion, where a large levered asset class that was better financed, was not financed well-enough. Think of commercial property in 1989, the stock market in 2000 (particularly the NASDAQ), or housing/banks in 2008. And yet, that is part of what Fed policy is supposed to do: reveal parts of the economy that are running too hot, so that capital can flow from misallocated areas to areas that are more sound. At present, my suspicion is that we still have more trouble to come in banking sector. Here’s why:

We’ve just been through 4.5 years of Fed funds / Interest on reserves being below 0.5% — this is a far greater period of loose policy than that of 1992-1993 and 2002 to mid-2004 together, and there is no apparent end in sight. This is why I believe that any removal of policy accommodation will prove very difficult. The greater the amount of policy accommodation, the greater the difficulties of removal. Watch the fireworks, if/when they try to remove it. And while you have the opportunity now, take some risk off the table.

Zero Hedge put it more forcefully:

It is possible a steep decline in financial assets would ensue with the lowest part of the capital structure being hurt the most. The Fed has chased investors all in the same direction; into risk-seeking securities. Few care about “right-tail” events, but should investors decide to pare risk in reaction to a hint of ‘tapering’, the overshoot to the downside may surprise many. The combination of too many sellers, too few buyers, and dreadful (and declining) liquidity means a down-side overshoot is highly likely. It would provide the Fed with their answer as to whether they have been creating market bubbles.

It appears that the Federal Reserve is well aware of these risks. In a speech last week, Ben Bernanke said that the Fed was closely monitoring the market for signs of excessive risk appetite, such as reaching for yield [emphasis added]:

We use a variety of models and methods; for example, we use empirical models of default risk and risk premiums to analyze credit spreads in corporate bond markets. These assessments are complemented by other information, including measures of volumes, liquidity, and market functioning, as well as intelligence gleaned from market participants and outside analysts. In light of the current low interest rate environment, we are watching particularly closely for instances of “reaching for yield” and other forms of excessive risk-taking, which may affect asset prices and their relationships with fundamentals. It is worth emphasizing that looking for historically unusual patterns or relationships in asset prices can be useful even if you believe that asset markets are generally efficient in setting prices. For the purpose of safeguarding financial stability, we are less concerned about whether a given asset price is justified in some average sense than in the possibility of a sharp move.

The Fed being aware of a problem is the first step. Whether they can either react, either preemptively or after the fact, in the correct manner is another problem.

I prefer to watch the golden canary in the coalmine to see how the markets react, or over-react to the news that the Fed is mapping out a plan to gradually withdraw from quantitative easing.

Cam Hui is a portfolio manager at Qwest Investment Fund Management Ltd. (“Qwest”). This article is prepared by Mr. Hui as an outside business activity. As such, Qwest does not review or approve materials presented herein. The opinions and any recommendations expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not reflect the opinions or recommendations of Qwest.

None of the information or opinions expressed in this blog constitutes a solicitation for the purchase or sale of any security or other instrument. Nothing in this article constitutes investment advice and any recommendations that may be contained herein have not been based upon a consideration of the investment objectives, financial situation or particular needs of any specific recipient. Any purchase or sale activity in any securities or other instrument should be based upon your own analysis and conclusions. Past performance is not indicative of future results. Either Qwest or Mr. Hui may hold or control long or short positions in the securities or instruments mentioned.